Last time:Men Dot Com's AHS
Okay. I’m going to start with a compliment: these episodes about the members of the cult are definitely way more interesting than the episodes solely focused on Ivy and Ally.
Sidenote: I want y’all to know I kept FX on after watching it for this recap and was rewatching episodes, on mute, while pop-punk played over my speakers until 1 am.
Okay, so this episode was only 2nd to the one before it. That is to say Ryan Murphy still can’t write, but this was still not as dull as watching Ally cry in every room of their gorgeous suburban home. But she did cry in both scenes she was in.
This episode begins with the start of Fake News—Beverly is pissed her boss is reprimanding her. He’s also her boss that was sleeping with Emma Roberts who, showed up last episode to say mean things and get stabbed. Also, is like, anyone else excited to see Happy Death Day?
So, of course, while watching the episode I tweeted “I don’t not agree with Ivy” after her beginning monologue to Wednesday Addams in the car. Ivy is pissed at her wife for voting for Jill Stein and at the world for electing Trump—AND LIKE SAME, GIRL. But then I’m pretty sure that tweet got me a put on a list somewhere because a few scenes later she’s donning a clown costume, going knife wild with Trump Supporter Kai as her boss. Okay, maybe not wild—she does puke after they murder a gimp in the attic of the reporter Beverly’s boss (I know I know—more on that in a second). But she let her son see a video of his mother being fingered in a claw foot bathtub and joined a clown cult. I mean, I don’t know man, Ivy who was once relatable and sympathetic suddenly has this character assassination—HAHA IAN THAT’S THE POINT WE’RE ALL BAD ON BOTH SIDES HAHA. But I swear to God when Beverly’s boss said, “I have a gimp in the attic” I rolled my eyes and laughed so hard because like, ::extreme Dana Scully voice:: sure, fine, whatever. Kai and Beverly don’t blink at murdering the gimp who resembled a throwback to Rubber Man from season 1.
Speaking of Rubber Man (who I called ‘Leather Man’ in the first draft of this thing—hi, it me, your mom, watching American Horror Story), I thought of him when the clowns all go up to the attic to find said gimp (god what a mouthful). Rubber Man was scary (like, legit the only thing to ever scare me beyond a jump scare on this series) until he took off his mask and was twinky Evan Peters (not that twinks can’t be scary but, ya know, a scrawny white dude is way less scary but yes probably way more dangerous tbf okay sorry). After he took off the mask, he wasn’t scary because the mystery behind what was under the mask was what made him scary…right? I don’t know but these clowns were never that scary to begin with and now are just not scary at all. But, in good news, after this episode (and some careful rewinding of this episode to see who wore what outfit) and I can say I’m 99% sure the clowns flip fucking on the produce in episode 1 were Handsome Colton Haynes and Billy Eichner.
The scene where they execute RJ, Beverly’s cameraman, was also actually upsetting in an actual Horror-y way? Like, I looked away because it wasn’t enjoyable to watch and not in the usual Ryan Murphy way. Even though we’d seen the group kill before, this is the first time they all kill someone together, sans masks. And it’s one of their friends (although I did have to have the internet tell me he was in previous episodes). It was the moment they all became monsters on screen, without their masks on.
We find out Kai and Winter are related to Dr. Cheyenne Jackson—he’s, twist, their older brother who helped cover up the murder suicide of their parents. The pinky promise is just their thing as weird siblings. He’s also the one clearly feeding the clowns info about his patients. Kai then cries in front of Beverly at the now-rotting corpses of his parents in their bedroom. I genuinely hope the rest of the season is Ally figuring out what they’re up to (after all, Meadow did maybe-on-purpose-maybe-not warn her that there was a cult her wife was in) and exacting bloody insane revenge on them all. Ending with a meaningful reunion where a newly reformed and apologetic Ivy goes in to embrace her blood thirsty wife and Ally rejects her with an axe to the face.
Yikes, Ian. Relax.
Most American Part: Ally refusing to help Meadow to safety by looking away from the window, crying.
Most Horror Part: That RJ staplegun scene, def.
Most Story Part: Beverly is coming for your leadership, Kai.
Most Ryan Murphy Part: I had to google if gimp was offensive term or not
Grade: C-
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Twitter: @ianxcarlos