Welcome to the second edition of Geeks OUT’s column devoted to sexual health, relationships, and all things seXy, with questions asked by YOU and answered by me, Professor seX! Send your anonymous sexuality-related questions to professorsex@geeksout.org and look for my response in one of our upcoming articles!
My partner is really attracted to “butch” energy, but at the end of the day I'm much more “fem.” I don't want to disappoint, but I also want to be true to myself. How can I do both without feeling like I'm playing a part?
Sincerely,
Shift Happens
Dear Shift Happens,
Even the most masculine men have traditionally feminine traits sometimes since we’re all composites of multiple experiences and feelings. For example, Hugh Jackman is practically the epitome of masculinity but has been flamboyant and feminine on stage in The Boy from Oz. Playing this character, or singing show tunes and dancing, doesn’t make anyone think he’s less butch and is a clear example of how we all play up the qualities we want, and that masculinity and femininity can be little more than performance.
Yas Wolver-kween! Yaaas!
Since you’re asking for ways to turn on your partner while still being true to yourself, you should find out what behaviors or manners excite your partner and how you can accentuate them. Also, people are most attractive when they’re doing something they’re good at since they feel confident, so try to do those things in your partner’s presence. Whether it’s writing, cooking, fixing cars, or singing—do it with confidence and strength, which are hallmarks of masculinity.
Discovering what attracts your partner and having open communication is crucial for many reasons. Your partner may actually want you to be more dominant and aggressive and conflating that with masculinity. See if you can emphasize some characteristics over others, play up your more masculine behaviors, or just throw on some heels, sashay away and tell them to love it or leave it.
Sincerely,
Professor seX
